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:iconraindropsonroses21: More from RaindropsOnRoses21




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August 2, 2010
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You told me I was the only one
You used to be my immortal, my tourniquet
An imaginary anchor to hold on to
While I'm being crushed by the weight of the world
I am now haunted by your once gentle voice
Missing is the love I once had for you
But I shall not lose control like you did
No longer your star, but your sweet sacrifice
The lithium carries me farther away
Until I breathe no more
In my last breath I shall whisper softly
That I was good enough for you
While the doctors try to bring me to life
You hold my hand, look at me with dry eyes
And call me your snow white queen
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:iconsilvaze125:
Critique by SILVAZE125 Jun 7, 2012, 7:40:37 AM
Oh my higurashi! That was so beutiful! I see how you used names of songs, that was very creative. I love the emotion- the sadness, the sophistication, the fear... A true poet has creativity, an open mind, and a big heart... But you lack impact a tiny bit. You're great already, but if you work on the impact, you'll be a pro! And originality is important- You want to be original, but not too original, and you have perfect originality. (Oh, and BTW, a new Evanescence album came out a while ago and it really rocks...! Just so u know.
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24 out of 24 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconvikkifox:
All in all the poem is great! The concept is very well thought out, and it is very well written. I agree with the previous critiquer though, there needs to be more impact. Though you catch the attention of the reader when you begin, but it's a little weak (not meant to be offensive!). The last 3 lines are very strong, and very impactful, and I really felt the emotion in the end. You're definitely a great writer/poet, I just think that there needs to be a little bit more emotion at the beginning. Words are wind - sometimes, no matter how descriptive, they don't get the message across properly. I'm not sure how to explain this, but try "drawing a picture" with your words..I think you really need to pour your heart out. I hope this helps some. It's not an easy feat to be a writer, and you've done really well so far! There just needs to be that extra kick. Still I love the poem =) Great work!
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:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
There needs to be a Three Days Grace version
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:iconraindropsonroses21:
RaindropsOnRoses21 Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Perhaps I'll write one in the future!
Reply
:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I've thought multiple times about writing it myself. XD
I'm gonna try to score some posters and t-shirts this Easter
Reply
:iconraindropsonroses21:
RaindropsOnRoses21 Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You should haha!
and really, that sounds awesome!
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:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, and did I mention what an amazing job you did on this????
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:iconraindropsonroses21:
RaindropsOnRoses21 Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That's very sweet, thank you :aww:
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:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Mar 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm just terrified of doing a bad job and insulting them even more than I already do, what with my terrible voice when I sing their songs and mess up their lyrics... XD
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:iconraindropsonroses21:
RaindropsOnRoses21 Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah I'm sure that's not true :XD:
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:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm gonna try to score as many 3DG posters, t-shirts and CDs as possible this Easter. And some Evanescence stuff too.
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:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
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